Posted by: hypomanic | September 29, 2017

The abbreviated and full anatomy of my nervous breakdown in 1995.

The eight stages of my nervous breakdown

1. Hubris
2. Sentience
3. Awestruck
4. Doubt
5. Retract
6. Recede
7. Revelation
8. Flux

The abbreviated version of my nervous breakdown

HUBRIS

1. An approach/attitude to life
2. Feeling unbreakable
3. The rules do not apply to me
4. Living inverted
5. Too busy / Over stretching
6. Significant
7. Impatient

SENTIENCE

8. Responsive, sensitive, superhuman
9. Too tuned in

AWESTRUCK

10. Self analysis / Doubt
11. Moral compass

DOUBT

12. Anxiety and restlessness
13. Always on
14. Paranoia / Focus shift

RETRACT

15. Trying to escape the gulag
16. Rejection / Pushed aside
17. Withdraw / Isolate
18. Confusion

RECEDE

19. Neglect
20. Psychosis / Shut down
21. Fear
22. Fight or flight
23. Hanging on
24. Overloaded
25. In another world

REVELATION

26. Clinging on / Triggers
27. Massive panic attack
28. Trance like / Dying

FLUX

29. Unconscious
30. Release

The full version of my nervous breakdown

HUBRIS

1. Insecurity
2. Desire to prove I’m no loser
3. Unhealthy ambition to be the best
4. Work hard, play hard
5. Self sabotage
6. Unhealthy lifestyle
7. Hedonistic outlook
8. 90’s culture of excess
9. Try anything
10. Taking drugs
11. Abusing alcohol
12. Risk taking
13. Anything is possible
14. Nothing can stop me
15. Move any mountain
16. World is my Oyster
17. Bend the rules
18. Self actualisation / Upside down pyramid
19. Stimulants: Caffeine ProPlus & Coffee
20. Bad body chemistry
21. Weight loss
22. Grandiose feelings of destiny
23. Too much responsibility
24. Too many identities
25. Active / Agitated
26. Computer in my bedroom always working
27. Irritability
28. Feeling manic
29. Struggle to make decisions

SENTIENCE

30. Sensitivity
31. State of awareness
32. Lightening rod

AWESTRUCK

33. Tormented by analysis paralysis
34. Unable to concentrate
35. Unable to feel relaxed
36. Belief systems
37. Guilt from God / Forgive me
38. Moral compass

DOUBT

39. Drugs, sex, guilt, religion
40. Self loathing
41. Anxiety
42. Jumpy
43. Panic attacks
44. Unrelenting restlessness
45. Daily life is stressful
46. Frequency of problems to solve
47. Crisis
48. Incessant march of events and obligations
49. High stress
50. No downtime
51. No boredom
52. Always on
53. Lack of sleep
54. Paranoia / Numerology
55. Forgetting things

RETRACT

56. Escape fantasies
57. Imagination takes over
58. Heart break
59. Rejection / Hurt
60. Withdrawing socially
61. Careless appearance
62. Messy bedroom
63. Feeling alone
64. Isolation
65. Defensive / Unable to trust
66. Confusion

RECEDE

67. Blame
68. Neglect
69. Deliberate holiday from reality
70. In and out of psychosis
71. Speaking in riddles
72. Doors of perception
73. Convinced bad things are about to happen
74. Gideon will kill me
75. Clinging on to sanity
76. Fighting internal forces
77. Possession
78. Mistaken
79. Drama
80. You’re the mad man
81. Overloading consciousness

REVELATION 1

82. Police, doctors step in
83. Not with it
84. Another world
85. Like in a movie
86. Too much introspection triggering
87. Trouble breathing
88. The root of all insecurity

REVELATION 2

89. Massive 6 hour panic attack
90. Sensitive hearing
91. Sensitive to velocity
92. Institutionalisation realisation
93. Trance-like turmoil into hypomanic episode

FLUX

94. Heart racing / vitals under burden
95. Unconscious

—END—

There is a 60 second video book trailer available to watch at hypomanic.co.uk
Or watch the series Mood Awakenings at https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1Jm2NAuUD7wdgJZrV8ZbqLPMaD-_092c
To follow me on Twitter: @victorjkennedy

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: