The fall and rise of Victor J Kennedy
by Michael_Scale

Barnes & Noble Reader Rating: 5 stars

A hypomanic episode? Awesome. Where do I sign up? Say it in the right voice and it almost sounds cool, like something you’d feel as a result of a bungee jump or an afternoon white-water rafting with Australians high on energy drinks. It turns out it’s not like that at all.

In Victor’s case his episode was brought about by a fanatical desire to be the best student on his university course, combined with him fully embracing London’s nightlife and the pharmaceutical excess that this can bring. Work hard, play hard, it’s cliche; that’s often held up as a positive thing. This book details its very real dangers.

The book charts Victor’s blissfully unaware descent towards his mental nadir – a fully blown hypomanic episode – and shows how he deals with the frightening diagnosis, and being sectioned under the mental health act and perhaps most importantly how he begins to get his life and his mind back together.

This is an incredibly brave book. I think it’s a rare thing for anybody to be able to bare their lowest point for all to read. As with anything so personal I think this book raises important questions as to how we, the readers, would handle the same situation.

I think the book also alludes to the importance that your environment and the people you surround yourself with can have on your mental health and for that alone, it’s definitely worth a read.

There is a 60 second video book trailer available to watch at hypomanic.co.uk

I’ve had plenty of advice in my life, in fact I’ve had plenty of psychiatrists and psychotherapists extracting, under examination, a deeper understanding about myself which I never realised nor ever wanted anyone else to discover. When I say I don’t want people to discover sensitive information about myself what I mean is that if I hadn’t lifted the veil to that self awareness then it wasn’t fair that everybody else got to know my secrets too. The thing is, everybody already knew anyway. Like a baboon cannot see it’s bright red posterior, human beings are not aware of their shortcomings.

However, it seems that not many of these people around you; your friends, your family, your coworkers, your contemporaries – in fact hardly any of them make the same amount of effort and applied incisive judgement to exercise your behaviour (to correct your infantile, yet innocent, way of approaching life and the world around you) in the same way as a trained and well paid psychotherapist seems able to do. Albeit after six months of one hour sessions each week.

I’ve sat in my conscious mind for years and thought and thought and thought. I’ve spent so much time thinking about how to work out my problems, why the world isn’t working the way I want it to but never managed to make the crucial connections to awaken myself to myself. They, whoever ‘they’ are, say we only use a fraction of our brains but how do they know? I can only speak for my mind and like the vast universe, I’ve never been able to find the edges of it but I suspect, since I’ve had cognitive behavioural therapy, I seem to have been splashing around in the same thought puddle since I was three years old, going round and round like a goldfish in a bowl but being human my thought patterns and distortions follow a pattern of thinking about food, stimulation, warmth, security and sleep on repeat/shuffle. My puddle it seems, was never connected to the ocean.

Now I’m older and more responsible I follow a familiar set of programs in my head because it is natural to keep splashing around in that puddle. “Oh no my daughter is awake again and it is 3.30am. Get milk. Microwave. Hand bottle to baby. Kiss wife. Sleep. Oh no, the alarm has gone off – not 6am already. The water is cold in this shower. No clean towels. No breakfast cereal left. Or milk. No seat on the train. How can I prepare for work when I am stood up on a wobbly train. I really should buy an iPhone. The ink has come off the newspaper and onto my fingers. And it’s on my clothes. Will I look professional in my presentation? I really need to make a will. I love my daughter. I love my wife. The back door needs painting. It’s Mother’s Day next week. Got chicken in my teeth still from last night. I need to book the dentist, mustn’t forget. I wonder if I’ve got time to get something to eat before I get to work. A crepe would be easy to eat on the go. I’m so tired. I wish I had a seat. Do people really like me? Yeah stop worrying, I’ve got loads of friends. I must work on those relationships. Send some emails today. No, make some calls instead – more personal. Starting this weekend.”

Do I like thinking within this puddle? Well, way before I had psychotherapy I knew I could ‘expand my mind’ and that other people before me had already followed that path but isn’t that just learning things and that by living longer you possess more wisdom by default? More wisdom equals an expanded mind surely? What do ‘they’ mean by an expanded mind? Is it about altering the capacity of the mind and not about how much an actual mind is filled up with more stuff than can fit in one puddle? For example, puddles such as spirituality and the soul, even my belief systems about science, the subconscious and psychology itself. Everything leads to an ocean? I have a healthy imagination, I always have been able to make stuff up to amuse myself. ‘Stupid thoughts’ are what I’d refer to them as. For instance, try to imagine ’see-through’. Go on, try it. Try to picture in your mind’s eye neither black nor white but transparency itself. You cannot do it. I’ve thought about this for years and all I’ve been able to do is imagine thousands of transparent plastic bags on top of each other and the effect is like a fog. Yeah, a fog. It is delicious in it’s irony that the mind is fogged when it pushes it’s ability to move it’s own perception of reality to another dimension. I call it the paradox of transparency. But then I have to question what a dimension is and then try to understand that concept. Science Fiction exists as a genre because of these kinds of imaginations inventing these new worlds where amazing things take place. Science Fiction becomes the stage for human beings to make real their strange, for want of a better word, imaginary concepts without fear of being stigmatized by the rest of us for having such a bizarre, left-field point of view to the rest of humanity, who might as well be splashing happily around in their own puddles. I mean, it’s a shock. How dare they make me aware of the paradox of transparency because it has made my head hurt and my eyes have crossed.

All joking aside, on a day-to-day level each of us knows how much we can ‘take’, i.e. how far our mental rubber band can stretch without snapping. Or do we? I do. Mine snapped back in 1995 and I ended up sectioned under the mental health act. That is the catch-22 with rubber bands. Only now can I gage how over stretched I am because I have the hindsight. I witnessed mine snap so I can remember how it felt and the kinds of thoughts going through my head at the time so if I recognize the signs when I am approaching that ’state’ then I can make adjustments to avoid another snap. If you have never had a nervous breakdown then I could suggest that I have an advantage over you. You will never know when, where or if you are going to snap. However, if you already possess the wisdom to realize you are close to the edge and can move away before you become mentally ill then I have no advantage over you whatsoever. Think of this; I can get right to the edge and stare over into the abyss with the knowledge I won’t fall in because I know the last crucially remaining synapse hasn’t fired in my brain yet. Ok, a slight over statement but you know what I mean. There is a deadzone, a badlands or maybe it should be referred to as a blurring between where your mind is prepared to go to and where I know my mind can extend further. This blurring should not be referred to as psychosis but it is certainly fueled by hypomania. If we all have the same equipment in our brains, the same chemistries and the same functions then we are all capable of experiencing similar states of awareness but the fact remains that we are not all the same. We are individuals. So does that mean we cannot all think the same? Does it all go back to the ability to see ‘transparency’ with the mind’s eye? Because I’ve spent a lifetime thinking ‘Stupid thoughts’ of ’see-through’ and they have never once sent me over the edge. I know now I am older that this ‘mind expansion’ is my creativity, my imagination and it has more familiarity to me than my oldest friends and my dearest family members. These are not the types of thoughts that lead to psychosis, nervous breakdowns and mental illness. Being quirky is not necessarily a path to personal destruction. Paranoia, built on a bed of confusion, insecurity, heartbreak and pain after a terrible experience in a horrendous environment, amongst awful company is what stretched my rubber band to it’s last sinew and that last tendon is arguably your choice to finally break it. To let go. To give in. To fall into the abyss in complete submission and at the hands of mercy.

When this happens to you, you hope or suspect it is some kind of test or exposure to something that will bring you an advantage – a quickening of the mind. An insight unlocking your potential. A potential you don’t even know about yet. A.K.A. a risk, a gamble. Then it might be worth it (the madness) or at least it means something or might mean something in the future. Only time will tell? If this ‘gift’ will somehow payoff and bring you *riches that everyone else is unfortunate not to be exposed to or see then if you could foresee what was going to happen you’d take the other restrictions (hospitalization, diagnosis, stigma) if it means you have a **special power. The thing is, time and altered dimensions have told me the risk of enduring large amounts of stress while overloading your own consciousness doesn’t pay off, it is more a trade off and the older I get the more I fear my decision (under duress) to let go and break my rubber band back in 1995 was just me injuring myself.

*An adolescent mind may refer to riches exclusively as money brought about by success but to be rewarded is to be rich in happiness, friendships, health and ideas.
**It is healthier to explore your consciousness slowly over a lifetime but this level of exposure cannot always be controlled.

There is a 60 second video book trailer available to watch at hypomanic.co.uk

A must read book if you value your mental health
by Richard_Dixon

Barnes & Noble Reader Rating: 5 stars

Bipolar? I have to confess I wasn’t aware it was a medical term before reading this book. If you’d have asked me what it meant, I would have weakly offered something about a BBC programme possibly involving Michael Palin.
This book features no Puffins, no whale blubber and no igloos, that’s for sure, but it’s still about a journey – one that’s both physical and mental and took the author over four years to complete, leaving him poles apart from the person he was when he started.
In the book, Victor describes the build up to, and subsequent recovery from, a ‘full-blown hypomanic episode’ that occurs just a few years after he moves from a small town in the North of England to take up a place on a University course just outside London.
Victor is driven by the competitive desire to be the best. So as the competition on the course increases, so do the long coffee and pro-plus fuelled nights spent working at his computer. These are then followed by hard, often drug-addled, partying to compensate for working so hard.
It’s from this point that the book begins to turn the screw. He begins to question everyone’s motives and how they interact with him and he becomes increasingly paranoid. This downward spiral continues with everyone able to see it apart from himself and eventually reaches the point where he’s sectioned under the 1983 Mental Health Act and subsequently diagnosed as Bipolar.
As other reviewers have rightly stated, this book is inspiringly honest and brave and that’s the main reason I’d recommend you read it. Very few of us have it in us to hold up a mirror to who we are and look at what we see for so long.
I think this book highlights the dangers of pushing yourself too hard, of the impact that the people around you and your environment can have on your mental state. It also draws attention to the lack of support and in some cases the stigma that people diagnosed with and recovering from this condition can face. In short, this book is as relevant now as it would have been if Victor had written it back in 1995.

There is a 60 second video book trailer available to watch at hypomanic.co.uk

There is a 60 second video book trailer available to watch at hypomanic.co.uk

“Mad” at the University of Westminster
by Marianne Halavage, freelance journalist

Around fourteen years ago Victor J Kennedy was Jesus reincarnated. Now he is eating a chicken toasty and drinking a latte in a London café. His loose black outdoor jacket and grey shirt cover a figure that has filled out by a stone or two in those years. His ruffled-spiked brown hair is now specked with white. His handshake is steady and there are smile-lines around his azure eyes.

After surveying the table for a second or two, he sits, all the while making friendly maybe nervous chit-chat in a mild-northern accent. You cannot tell he has been hospitalized five times, once under the Mental Health Act. You cannot tell he is diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

Victor feels there is enough distance only now to tell the tale of his descent into “madness”. His first book “Hypomanic, Mad in England” begins in ecstasy-fuelled 1992. Aged 20, Victor leaves home in rural West Yorkshire for the “golden streets” of London to study Graphic Information Design at the University of Westminster.

On his walkman are the Prodigy’s manic electro beats. The Ministry of Sound and the pubs and clubs near his bedsit in Harrow are his hangouts. Fuelled by ProPlus and mugs of coffee, the class representative works through nights to ensure he wins top marks on every assignment.

He also parties hard. He smokes Nepalese resin on a trip to Amsterdam, passes out drunk during sex on a snooker table with a girl who is not his girlfriend. Is it any wonder that he spirals into anxiety then paranoia and starts to think of himself as the Second Coming?

“I have a great aunt who people said wasn’t right,” says Victor. “She spent lots of time in her room on her own in Bradford. That could be where mine came from, through my grandfather then through my mother.”

He thinks his mental illness genes were activated by his lifestyle and his relationships at university. “My childhood didn’t really prepare me for university. I came from a local village where we knew everyone on our street and there was never any malice or fallouts or Machiavellian type behaviour.”

Though he no longer blames his flatmates and friends, he thinks they could have done more to help when his behaviour turned odd. But he understands why they did not: “Part of my naivety was to think that people wouldn’t have a problem if I burped in their face after a pint. But they do. I didn’t let people get a word in. I was seriously pissing people off.”

Now, Victor is planning his second book “Stigma” which will talk about the darker aspects of living with an incurable disorder, and show how to cope and manage the illness.

Victor has been sacked, suffered abuse on the football pitch and refused work because of his mental illness. One prospective employer told him: “You’re not right in the head. I’m really sorry I can’t employ someone like that.”

Victor thinks people should talk and not let problems fester, like he did. The university could have done more too. On the Harrow campus there were just these “crappy posters in helvetica.” The posters should have been huge and bright and plastered everywhere saying: “I’m having strange thoughts about someone on the illustration course. I think they’re trying to kill me. If this is you, get help here.”

Victor broke down on the 19th of February 1995 and though he always feels a “slight melancholy” around the anniversary, he claims victory over “the biggest battle” of his life.

A senior creative in a prominent advertising agency, he says he is good at his job because he has talent not because he has bipolar. “I’ve met as many talented bipolars as I have uncreative ones,” he says. “Maybe it gives you the energy to persevere for longer with something but it doesn’t mean you’ll be any better with a brush.”

He has set up a happy home with his wife and young daughter. But there is a black cloud overhead in the form of Lithium, which he takes to stabilize his moods: “I might lose my liver or a kidney by the time I’m in my late forties. “But stop taking lithium and be a bit crazy and lose my job and not have a wife and a daughter? My decision is life now adversity later.”

Psychotherapy and meditation have taught Victor to be more self-aware and switch off parts of his mind. He also monitors his moods with computer software – since his is a cyclical illness.

Because of his illness Victor’s mantra has become “Be prepared. Do not leave things to chance”. Maybe this is also because he is a self-confessed trainspotter. He keeps receipts for everything and writes a diary – has done since university.

Victor speaks slowly and deliberately, meandering around the question. But somehow he gets back to it – like in life. “The brightest dawn follows the darkest nights,” he writes in Hypomanic. And it seems Victor’s brightest dawn has followed his darkest night.

As for the future, there could be a film about the book but he’ll believe it when he sees it. Being content and well balanced is more important. “I just want to be like normal Joe. I have a mortgage and a good job. I’m going to ride it out and watch my daughter grow.”

There is a 60 second video book trailer available to watch at hypomanic.co.uk

This is the eye of the hurricane. This is a full confrontation with your demons. It’s the point of no return, yet at the same time it’s where you find your spirit and your courage. It’s the end of the line, the lowest of the low. It’s the full stop at the end of a wild sentence. It’s the carriage return before a new paragraph in your life.

It’s a stress induced hypomanic episode that’s escalated into a massive panic attack and the heart is struggling to cope with the pressure. You’re on your own with only that soothing light bulb for company. You stare at it, trance-like. You don’t even realise anyone else is in the room, let alone a team of doctors injecting your arm with large amounts of Haloperido and Benzodiazepines to stop you going into arrest.

It all feels quite peaceful even though you are aware that you are sweating on the outside. On the inside you feel compelled to let everything else go and fade into the comfort of the light bulb. Leave everything behind and go.

But you can hear your mum faintly crying in the background. She’s outside the room with the nurses and she’s in distress because she knows you’re dying. She feels it. Her tears and her stressed vocal chords strike a note inside your soul, your connection with each other helps you decide you cannot leave her like this. No one wants to out live their son.

So this life conquers the next life, in terms of unfinished business. At the same time as this monumental concept explodes in your consciousness, the drugs injected by the diligent medical staff begin to take effect but you’ve already made your choice to stay.

The body relaxes, the mind seeps into gentle unconsciousness and the episode is over. You live, to fight another day. The confrontation is complete and you are infinitely stronger for surviving,
full stop.

There is a 60 second video book trailer available to watch at hypomanic.co.uk

I want to empty my head. Pour it all out onto paper in some form of communication to try and explain to everyone/anyone what this is like.

Is order important? I don’t feel bipolar is sequential, obviously it happens in a certain way but to me, once you have experienced madness then you are constantly aware of the sudden, sometimes odd, sometimes frequent ways that your inner persona steps back or out, to question what you are doing and maybe more importantly what the world is doing around you. I think it’s not what happens to you in your life that is important, it is how you deal and interpret what happens to you that is!

We all try to find significance in things around us. A sign, perhaps, that means some kind of personal gain or benefit. Horoscopes, ladders, mirrors? Mania amplifies these thoughts to a point where you are either petrified or full of psychotic confidence. The journey to this point is absolutely brilliant. It really and honestly is the best, like one of those dreams that after you awoke affected you deeply, if only for that day but in flashing extremes of elation and a deep rooted sense of loss for the perfect reality that was THAT dream.

There is a 60 second video book trailer available to watch at hypomanic.co.uk

Answer: Because when Victor J Kennedy was admitted to hospital in February 1995, the psychiatric team cited a ‘Stress Induced Hypomanic Episode’ as their diagnosis.

There is a 60 second video book trailer available to watch at hypomanic.co.uk

Emotional highs and lows are part of life for everyone. But for someone with bipolar disorder, these ups and downs can be so extreme they can interfere with daily life. Sometimes they can even be dangerous. One day a person with bipolar disorder may feel so depressed that they can’t get out of bed. Work may seem impossible. On another day that person may feel great, full of endless energy and creativity. But other people might think that their actions are reckless and out of control. Bipolar disorder is a lifelong medical condition that can be confusing and unpredictable, but it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Learning more about bipolar disorder can be helpful in managing this medical illness.

Bipolar disorder is a serious medical illness that can affect a person’s ability to feel a normal range of moods. People with bipolar disorder have mood swings that can range from very low (depression) to very high (mania).Bipolar disorder is also known as manic depression. The word “bipolar” is now used because the disorder is made up of two poles, or extremes.For example, picture a globe. The North Pole would be mania, and the South Pole would be depression. Every time a person experiences symptoms of one pole for a specific period of time, it is called an episode. They should talk with their healthcare providers about these episodes.

There are four main types of bipolar disorder:

Bipolar I Disorder

Bipolar I disorder involves one or more manic or mixed episodes, and often one or more major depressive episodes. A depressive episode may last for several weeks or months. Between episodes of bipolar I disorder, there may be periods of normal functioning. Symptoms may also be related to seasonal changes.

Bipolar II Disorder

Bipolar II disorder involves one or more major depressive episodes along with at least one hypomanic episode. Hypomanic episodes have symptoms similar to manic episodes but are less severe. Between episodes of bipolar II disorder, there may be periods of normal functioning. Symptoms may also be related to seasonal changes.

Cyclothymic Disorder

Cyclothymic disorder is a long-term fluctuating mood disturbance with periods of hypomania and periods of depression. It is a milder form of bipolar disorder. That’s because the periods of both depression and hypomania are shorter, less severe, and do not occur with regularity.

Bipolar Disorder Not Otherwise Specified

This type of bipolar disorder is when the person does not fit into the types of bipolar disorder mentioned above. The experiences of bipolar disorder vary from person to person. Just like the other types of bipolar disorder, bipolar disorder not otherwise specified is treatable.

Causes and Risk Factors

Scientists don’t really know what causes bipolar disorder. They do believe that genetics plays a role. For instance, more than two thirds of people with bipolar disorder also have a relative with the same condition or some other mood disorder. But genetics alone does not cause someone to develop bipolar disorder. We don’t yet know what those other things are.

This is what we do know about bipolar disorder:

Bipolar disorder most commonly starts in teenagers and young adults. But it can also first occur in children and older adults. Bipolar disorder equally affects people of all races and ethnic groups. Special chemicals in the brain, called neurotransmitters, may be involved in the disease. If the levels of these chemicals are out of balance, it may be harder for brain cells to work normally.
Bipolar disorder may be related to problems with hormone levels. For instance, experts have noticed a link between thyroid hormone levels and bipolar disorder. Certain parts of the brain may have a different size or shape in people with bipolar disorder. The changes could be a cause or symptom of the condition. In some cases, other illnesses may play a role in bipolar disorder.

Recognizing Triggers

Bipolar disorder is a serious medical illness. However, mood swings can be triggered by events and emotions in your life. If you have to cope with some unpleasant, sad, or even happy events you may be, you’re at greater risk for manic and depressive episodes.

Triggers, also called stressors, are anything that may help cause a mood swing. Some common
triggers include:

• Not having a regular sleep schedule
• Misusing alcohol or drugs
• Stopping your medication
• Starting medicines for depression (in some cases), or other medicines and herbal products
• Having thyroid problems and other medical conditions

Not everyone’s triggers are the same. Some people find that triggers can be things like:

• Seasonal changes
• Holidays
• Illness
• Disagreements with family or friends
• Problems at work
• The death of a loved one
• Marriage
• Starting college
• Starting a new job

Once you figure out what may trigger your mood swings, the next step is to learn how to avoid them when possible. That involves taking action. For instance, you may notice that not getting enough sleep causes you to become depressed. Try to plan a regular sleep schedule.You should also consider discussing your triggers with family and friends. That way, they can help you avoid your triggers, too.

Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder

Mania Symptoms:

• Increased energy level
• Less need for sleep
• Racing thoughts or mind jumps around
• Easily distracted
• More talkative than usual or feeling pressure to keep talking
• More self-confident than usual
• Focused on getting things done, but often completing little
• Risky or unusual activities to the extreme, even if it’s likely bad things will happen

Depression Symptoms:

• Feeling sad or blue, or “down in the dumps”
• Loss of interest in things the person used to enjoy, including sex
• Feeling worthless, hopeless, or guilty
• Sleeping too little or too much
• Changes in weight or appetite
• Feeling tired or having little or no energy
• Feeling restless
• Problems concentrating or making decisions
• Thoughts of death or suicide

Bipolar disorder is a lifelong illness. But today there are many treatments for people with bipolar disorder. People with bipolar disorder should ask their healthcare providers how to best stabilize their moods and work with their healthcare providers to find what is best for them.

There is a 60 second video book trailer available to watch at hypomanic.co.uk

Hypomania is a mood state characterized by persistent and pervasive elated or irritable mood, and thoughts and behaviors that are consistent with such a mood state. It is distinguished from mania by the absence of psychotic symptoms and by its lower degree of impact on functioning. Hypomania is a feature of some mood disorders, such as bipolar II disorder and cyclothymia.

Hypomanic episodes

A hypomanic episode includes, over the course of at least 4 days, three or four of the following symptoms, depending on whether the predominent mood state is elation or irritability: inflated self-esteem or grandiosity; decreased need for sleep; being more talkative than usual or feeling pressure to keep talking; flight of ideas or the subjective experience that thoughts are racing; distractibility; increase in goal-directed activity or psychomotor agitation; and excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for harmful consequences.

Possible benefits of Hypomania

People with hypomania are generally perceived as being energetic, euphoric, overflowing with new ideas, and sometimes highly confident and charismatic, and unlike full-blown mania, they are sufficiently capable of coherent thought and action to participate in everyday activities.

John Gartner’s The Hypomanic Edge (Simon and Schuster) contends that notable “Americans” including Christopher Columbus, Alexander Hamilton, Andrew Carnegie, Louis B Mayer, and Craig Venter (who mapped the human genome) owe their innovativeness and drive, as well as their eccentricities, to hypomanic temperaments. Gartner suggests that the constructive behaviors associated with hypomania may contribute to bipolar disorder’s evolutionary survival.

Treating Hypomania

It is unknown to what degree hypomanic symptoms can occur without a depressive component. Patients may be relatively unlikely to seek psychiatric treatment for hypomania alone. However, many hypomanic patients experience disrupted sleep patterns, irritability, racing thoughts, obsessional behavior, and poor judgment. Hypomania is also associated with impulsiveness, recklessness, excessive spending, risky sexual activity, and other out-of-character behaviors that the patients may regret following the conclusion of the mood episode. Hypomania can signal the beginning of a more severe manic episode, or it often directly precedes a depressive episode.

Virtually all clinical trials of medications for the non-depressive phases of bipolar illnesses involve treating patients for severe mania during the acute (initial) phase of mania. Recommended medication doses are based on these trials, in which case high doses are justified in order to remove the patient from immediate danger. Treating hypomania, however, involves different considerations and may demand greater clinical judgment.

There is a 60 second video book trailer available to watch at hypomanic.co.uk